Found Missing

The strangest thing happened to me last night.
You all might thing i'm crazy. Exaggerating. But the events that i'm going to pen down have neither been subdued or spiced up for your reading pleasure. In fact, the reason behind this blogpost, if i can be honest, is to document last night for future reference.

Last night i went to see a movie, Mirror Mirror, around 8pm. As movie theatre custom dictates, i bought by drink and popcorn before entering the movie hall. This is the last use of my wallet i recollect. After the movie ended, i came back home. The moment i entered my house, i had a sudden urge to check my wallet for my card and other valuables i carry around.
Putting the thought aside, i went in for a shower. When i came out, i again had the same urge. This time, i decided to entertain the notion. But it turned out that my wallet was nowhere to be seen. At this point, i'd like to point out that i am a very methodological person when it comes to making a mess. I leave things at the same spot every time. So i didn't panic and set about looking for my wallet. When i couldn't find it in anyplace i would have generally found it loitering around with other household items, i began to panic. A little.
I called up my friend and asked her to search her car for my missing entity. The result was negative. I rushed down to the theatre. The news wasn't satisfactory. I retraced my steps back from the theatre. Even looked in the trash can. No sign.
I called up 911 and reported my lost pouch. I called my bank and had my card blocked. I made a few calls, shared my burden and finally facing the truth of loosing my first wallet, i went to bed.
I woke up with a strange dream. I was looking for my wallet, i had torn the house down and finally found it in my college bag. I turned on the radio and thought of my dream. Not possible, i said to myself. I hadn't  touched my bag since friday night.
Frustrated with myself, i started cleaning my room up. I cleaned up all junk, placed things where they looked less messy, torn receipts now rested in the dust bin. I turned to my college bag. I started emptying it out, tearing bits of paper, filing up homework sheets and then, i unzipped my front pocket. And there it was! my lost wallet!
I literally pinched myself, figuratively did a jiggle dance. Just to confirm my discovery, i made my roommate cheek my id and confirm that what i was looking at was not a wallet oasis. It wasn't. I had found my wallet. I was happy and scared.
What did the dream mean? How did my wallet reach my bag when i hadn't touched it the whole day?
I don't no what to make out of this, but what i do know, is that i will need to read this blogpost again when the time comes. 

The Chicago airport. Just like it was shown in Home Alone. Ahh....childhood memories. I mean movies. 

Spotted at the Paris airport.

They may wear a lot of clothes, but they do it with style.

Delhi

Memories have a nasty way of sneaking up on you. Right now nothing seems as far as home. Yet, thats where i want to be right away.

Rules for the Future

Time travel is round the corner. Maybe its already happened and we left it back around the last corner. But whenever it decides to go public, there will be chaos. And whenever there is chaos on an international level, US rushes in to take control and Al-Quida wants to take on the blame. So to stop this monotonous drama, my colleague, Sugna Jairam (from hereon referred to as Chachi) and I, Krishanu Mathur lay down the rules of Time travel.

As Science in its myriad tales will reason out, going back in time is not an option. Time travel helps you jump the time coordinate, but you can not interact with the space around you. So, the following rules have been laid out keeping in mind the following:

1. You can only go into the future

2. Since you can not interact without the space around you, you can not change nor become a part of the future. This effect will make it impossible for you to listen to people's conversation and observe anything else except what you came to see.

3. A person's future is a perception of his/her mind based on his personal life and decisions over the past. This inherent property of time travel deprives the user to use time travel to see someone else's future apart from his/her.

Keeping all these things in mind, here are the rules:

1. Everyone gets 3 trials in a lifetime to visit the future

2. These 3 trials can not be utilized before one turns 21 years old

3. Everytime you visit the future, the year you travel to becomes your minimum compliance. i.e you can not go to a time before the years that you have already visited.

4. You get a birds eye view of your future and can travel from one spot to another as long as it is in direct relation to the topic you came to explore.

5. Since a person's life is controlled by innumerable variables, the future is decided looking at a persons past decision making abilities.

6. Every minute spent in the future will be x times the minutes in the present. This x will not be 1 and in most probability will be less than 1(we'l let science take care of that).

7. For every minute you are not in the present, your life comes under the control of random sampling and decisions taken during that time will rely entirely on the global mean of decision making.

8. Respecting the notion of string theory, the more the number of people that use time travel and are close to you, the more focussed and probable will be your future.

Play safe.

SAYONARA STEVE JOBS!!! MAY NOW YOU REST IN PEACE

Obituaries are hard to write. Double so if its for someone you loved with your heart and soul.

I remember as a child, my neighbor had lost his wife of 60 years. He was a painter by profession. Portraits were not his biggest strength but he indulged in them when the subject was right. On being asked why he had not paint his demised wife as an expression of love and remembrance, he shook his head and in a voice befitting a person who had lost a part of his own body and replied, "I was with her for 60 years. I saw her in her prime, i saw her carry my kids in her belly. I saw her when she had her first knee operation. I saw her cry herself to sleep when she found out she had cancer. I try and put her on canvas, but every time i start with a different face, and give up in the middle with a different one in mind."

A few days back, the world lost one of the greatest visionaries of all times. A digital age DaVinci. A person, who through his own personal experiences grew into something that fairy tales are made out of. Maybe i don't have those same emotions for Steve Jobs as the other hundred million who mourn his death. But my love was pure. A love that secretly grew from respect. It was only after 2005 that i started reading about him. He had created something so beautiful and had gone on to be thrown out of his own company. His resilience saw him rise again through new names. And when the time was ripe, he got back with his old company and has never looked back ever since. He was always in the media. His opinions mattered. The whole world stopped to listen when he was on stage. It was not his powers of oration. It was his magic with technology. Making something come alive that existed only in our dreams and big budget movies. He was also brick bated on his personal life. His relationship with his employees and his high headedness about his company.

His ways were critical. His targets were not. His leadership was questioned. His accomplishments were not. His strategies provoked responses. His milestones, silenced them. So, as i sit here in front of my mac and try to pen down an obituary for someone who was like a pillar from which many drew strength, i wonder to myself if i should highlight his miscalculations or praise his success. And just like my neighbor, i bow my head and start with a face, only to give-up in the middle with a different one in mind.

New Country, New Rules

I don't know how, but i have somehow managed to cross an ocean, 2 continents and 7315 miles in a span of 24hours and just a couple of drinks. It feels good. No home sickness, till now. The weather is same as back in Delhi, maybe a couple of months too soon. People are nice and the streets are clean. Cars are fast and the life slow. The commercials are different but the message same. In a world infected with globalization and mass production, this small human being will be as much as at home as he was back in delhi. Well, at least thats what i am hoping for. It wont be long before i realize the hard truth - I'm no more the majority. I am an alien, a foreigner, an uninvited guest who has clearly forgotten his place in the pecking order. But till that day comes, and it will come someday, i will take in as much as i can and give back equally. Let this day mark a new beginning, a fresh page in my book of life. And for all of you who are watching-"Fasten your seatbelt madam and messieurs, its going to be a bumpy ride."

I can't think of any good book to read. And it has to be a really good book. So, i have decided to write my own. Here it goes....

On a midnight metro train travels a girl. Her hair are long, lips small. Her eyes round like a marble, her cheeks flat. She barely manages to reach the arm hangs, but hangs on. People around her stare, no one moves. They think is amusing, a free circus, a story to share. Shes not embarrassed, not now. She's grown used to it. It was initially very tough, like thorns pricking you everywhere. She would twitch, cross her legs, arms, mind. Then they just became random noise. Slowly they melted into the surrounding, they were as expected as metro announcement. She liked those announcements, she would try and guess what the man in English spoke. Her mother knew English, highly unusual for a women of her age. But she got the business going, if you caught her on one of her best days, u'd end up paying double for Zia. Zia, what an ironic name.

I shouldn't be writing

Ahh it feels good to be back. Get that familiar keyboard under my fingers, that camel and white screen template. If only my blog could smell, it would smell of a forgotten book in the other end of the cupboard. Just the way i like them. But i shouldn't be here. It wasn't planned. I was on a mission. A mission to write. I was only suppose to be picking up things from here, inspiration for say.

Has it been that long since i last wrote that i have forgotten my style? Or has my world changed so differently that i don't feel the way i used to? I wish to gain back what i have lost. For starters can someone help me identify what i have lost.

Even now i struggle to write more, yet i shall continue. In due course i shall attempt at making a silly joke on Shera and hope my readers find it funny. But this never happened in the past. Yours truly would write what came to his mind. Only stopping to use the spell check.

So much is happening around me i wish to stand up and talk about. The metro, delhities last savior from the monstrous blue lines, has got a compartment reserved specially for ladies now. In todays world where women talk of equality and shopping with equal fervor, was such a step necessary?

And The Great Games-CWG 2010...ahh every writers bowl of rice. What can i say about them in such a short space.

I want to write about all this and lots more. But why cant i?

Have i lost my Mojo? any suggestions Austin Powers?

The Pull

Eureka!!! Thanks to my equally intellectual friend and accomplice Dhananjai (what a "in-your-face" name, right?) i have found the meaning to EVERYTHING!!! Wow, doesnt it sound so easy? Everything, what a big domain the word encompasses. From "why did the apple fall towards the ground?" to "Why Mr.X found Mrs.Y better than Mrs.X?", everything can be explained through a simple reason. Pull. Everything has a Pull towards it...weather its our dreams towards us or the light towards mosquitoes. Everything pulls. Question is, can we escape this pull? can we detach ourselves from everything and roam as an isolated commodity. Can we reach nirvana?

THE DILLI WAY- "WE DO IT TOGETHER"

I'm Back

Hello People!
Sorry for the sudden and long dissapearance. I know hardly anyone of you might have noticed dust accreting on my blog but still ill put out an excuse.You see your's truly was shot a few months back. It did hurt a lot no doubt but after a few weeks as i recovered and was ready to get back on track i got this ego boost that someone actually tried killing me!!! That means i was actually important enough for someone to risk getting caught to shoot me down. I had to find out who was it. So when i plumbed into the situation feeling all important and crying for 'Z' security, i found out that my shooter was a deranged lover on his way to kill his girlfriend and just decided to do some shooting practice first. Shooting practice!!! i was his plastic duck!!! That just took me deep into depression. I know what a sad story my life is...anyways i'm up and running now so ill see you more often on this space. Keep dropping by. Thank You.

P.S you are more than welcome to send me chocolates, teddys....card?

Yo makhi, this is my blog. :)

Seminars For Men... Once again the female staff will be offering courses to men of any marital status. Classes will be limited to 10 men as the course material may be difficult.

SFM 101 - Combating Stupidity

SFM 102 - You Too Can Do Housework

SFM 103 - P.M.S. : Learing When To Shut Up.

SFM 104 - How To Fill An Ice Tray

SFM 105 - We Don't Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas, Give Us Money

SMF 106 - Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4 AM

SMF 107 - Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called Don't Wash My Panties)

SMF 108 - Parenting:No, It Doesn't Stop With Conception

SMF 109 - Get a Life, Learn How to Cope

SMF 110 - How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviouly Wrong

SMF 111 - Spelling, Even You Can Get it Right

SMF 112 - Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

SMF 113 - YOU:The Weaker Sex

SMF 114 - Reasons To Give Flowers

SMF 115 - How To Stay Awake After Sex

SMF 116 - Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere, but in the Bathroom

SMF 117 - Garbage:Getting it to the Curb

SMF 118 - Sex: You Can Fall Asleep Without it if You Try

SMF 119 - Sex: The Morning Dilemma. If it's Awake, Take a Shower

SMF 120 - The Weekend and Sports are NOT Synonymous

SMF 121 - How to go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost

SMF 122 - How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

SMF 123 - The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

SMF 124 - How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children

SMF 125 - Honest, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Your Naked

SMF 126 - The Attainable Goal: Omitting F##k From Your Vocabulary

SMF 127 - Fluffing the Blankets After Farting IS NOT a Form of Foreplay

SMF 128 - Real Men Ask For Directions

SMF 129 - WIPING: How To Do it So You Don't Leave Skid Marks in Your Shorts

SMF 130 - TELEPHONES: What They Are, Where They Can Be Found and How To Use Them

PLEASE REGISTER IMMEDIATELY! ALL COURSES ARE IN GREAT DEMAND.

CAN I ASK U A QUESTION?

Haldiram ke Chole Bhature, Nirulas ki HCF, Khoob Chand ki Salami, chatkara ki chat, Nizam ke roll, waves ke popcorn, moolchand ke paranthe, south Ex ki bhel, Nayi sadk ki kachori, sec 21 ke Momos, Nagpal ke Chole bhature, Lajpat nagar ke Ram Ladoo, Karims ki keema naan, daryaganj ke chole kulche, Bamboo shoots ka chinese, KFC ka chicken, McDonalds ke fries, Rodeo ka barritto, Wengers ke shami kebab, Khan chacha ke roll, big chill ki missisippi mud pie, Sanjha chula ka chicken, Caslte 9 pe beer, Dilli Haat par momos, India gate par ice-cream, ITO pe paranthe, Tea house ki chai, Subway ka sandwich, Dominos ka pizza, Evergreen ka rasgulla, IHC eatopia, Islamic center, Golf course ke honey chilli potatoes, Journey of spices ka flaming raan, Kake di hatti ke stuffed naan, Moets ka sizzler, Def col ki chinese van, LOC ka kebab platter, Dev Hotel, The Great Kebab Factory, Rajender de dhaba ka tawa chicken, Mohan nagar ke dhabe, Amar colony ki kulfi, Natraj ke dahi balle, Amar chat bhandar, Lassiwalle ki lassi, Deez ki biryani, HBH, Haldiram ki jalebi, Mummy ki kheer, Papa ka mutton, Sindhi ka butter chicken, Andra bhawan ki canteen, Claridges ka Dhaba.

So? where do u want to eat tonight?

REMEMBER WHEN...PART 1

Genius, madness, tears, the sporting world has a blur of heros, losers, champions and charlatans.
Here i have tried to pick a few moments i think are worth a mention again.

1. The Weeping Tiger

At the British Open in 2006 after making the last putt Tiger hugged his caddie and wept. He'd lost his father just before the Open, the cup was a silent salute to him.


2. Nadal vs Federer

It all started in Rome:6-7(0-7), 7-6(7-5), 6-4, 2-6, 7-6(7-5)

After 306 min, no corner of the court without footprint, one man designing, the other defacing them, Federer was the last man standing. Nadal was on his back in triumph. Then and there a rivalry was born which still continues and shows no sign of fading off anytime soon.

Ghazal:
the Indian Wells final between Fed and Nadal when Fed won in 5. How Fed went on and on about youngsters losing steam in between matches!
Little would he have known that 3 years down the line he'd lose his titles to "that" youngster.

3.A New York minute

"The scoreboard said i lost today, but what the scoreboard doesnt say is what it is i have found. And over the last 21 years, i have found loyalty. You have pulled for me on the court and also in life. I've found inspiration. you have willed me to succeed sometimes even in my lowest moments. And I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams, dreams i could have never reached without you."
i will not say more.

6. Riding with Rossi

My friends always complained about how boring MotoGP is. Till i pointed him out, and the race wound down, and they started to ride with Rossi. A man so elegant he's like a yellow ribbon threading through the field, a nerveless saint meditating at 300kmh. He may have fallen behind a bit in the last few seasons but sport is about winners, but first it is about pleasure. And riding with Rossi, as my Friends say it now, is taking flying lessons from God.

7. Spanish sports year

They were everywhere, on every podium, every cup in there hands. From the EURO 2008 to the winning spree of Nadal. Hot spanish sweat has left marks on every field.

8. Mistress of surprise

when she came back we all looked wide eyed, its a bad idea we said. Your absence had been too long, your feet too slow, the power too great. But Hingis caught on, made us loose our breath while she drew power from every bit of hers. But then the news of her involvement with drugs hit us, she was the last person we could have expected to do such a thing.

9. Ferrari's Black day

Austira 2002- A black day for Ferrari, the last corner was in sight, Ruben Barrichello had dominated the race from start to finish, he was just meters away when he braked to let fellow team mate win on orders from the team. The German did not need that win, he had wont he last five. There was worldwide outrage and the team had no excuses.

10. Premiership Painted RED!!!!

EPL Champions. Champions League. Sir Alex Ferguson. C.Ronaldo.

11. The film is grainy, scratchy and it has a boy who suggest champions come in more sizes than one. His name is Jason McElwain, 17, 5f 6in, a student at Greece Athena high school in America. He hands out kits to the basketball team.

He is also autistic.

In the school's last game, with 4min. remaining the coach tosses McAlwain a jersey, hoping to give him few min on court, a fleeting taste of a world beyond his reach. He misses his first two shots. then he sinks in a 3pointer. Then another. In four min he scores 20 points, a school record. Team mates yell. People cry. Sometimes amidst the hype, moaning million dollar athletes, swollen egos, we need stories like this. The kid dreamed, he inspired. He was the best of us.

I no i have missed a lot of events please feel free to remind me of them.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - JAY LONDON!!!

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.


A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.


After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.


At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?


Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.


Do you know it was a year a ago today?


Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?


I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.


I model irregular clothing.


I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.


I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.


I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.


I saw a stationery store move.


I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.


I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.


I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.


I was born nine months premature.


I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.


I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.


I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.


I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.


I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.


I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?


I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.


I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.


I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.


It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.


My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.


My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.


My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.


My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.


My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.


People read me but they don't subscribe.


They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.


You know what burns me? Matches.

SAYONARA JUSTINA

To be frank, i dint know that Henin had retired until one morning when my brother pointed out to me. It was a week old news. The retirement was on the cards no doubt, her walk-no doubt successful-were like of a bollywood hero wounded, yet with enough strength to kill the opponent and squeeze one last song with his heroine. Yet, like every other tennis lover i too had predicted the end to come after the French open not weeks before it. She was expected to defend her title and most likely to keep it to herself for another year. But careers mostly limp and lurch to a finish, and sloppy happy endings remain in Karan Johar's minds.
Fair enough, the Belgian was not always the most graceful of champions. Still, her retirement, while punishing the crowd, was unfortunate and not much more. Estranged from her father, losing her mother early, forced to push her reedy figure to its maximum physical capacity to win, undone in her peak by a debilitating virus, Henin knows despair but had stoically found her way through it all. She has been a fighter, specially during the last few months where she was so stressed out due her health, her relations with her husband, yet she fought like a roman soldier approaching the end of a month old war and returned to the top before the season ended.
The most immodestly gifted woman in tennis is modestly sized and looks like she might need to be tied down in a gale. The Belgian Henin resembles a reed but hits with such ferocity that her racquet must feel like a swishing cane to her opponents. She made tennis look all work and no play, but when that hint of a smile appeared on the corner of her mouth, it deserved extra points.
She was never model-like like Sharapova or Ivankovic. A magnifying glass was required to discover muscles on the diminutive Belgian unlike Mauresmo or Safina. In a world of six-footers Sharapova, Davenport, Venus, and even Hingis at 5ft 7in is officially taller than her, they may look down on the 5ft 6in champion, but in terms of skills must be looking up to her.
Davenport's departure was pre meditated, Hingis's exit appalling but Henin's will leave a big void in women's tennis which will take more than Sharapova's shoes and Ivankovic's skimpy dresses to fill. Facts and not figures make the Belgian stood out. Let her rest now, she deserves it.

Q. Last movie you saw in a theater ?

A. Sarkar Raj

Q. What book are you reading ?

A. Shantaram

Q. Favorite board game ?

A. Monoply, checkers, Snakes and Ladders, Life

Q. Favorite magazine ?

A. Sportsstar, Topgear
Q. Favorite Smell ?

A. Mud after rain, Hugo Boss Energise, Chocolate

Q. Favorite Sound ?

A. Engine reving, Parrot's

Q. The worst feeling in the world ?

A. Waiting for results
Q. The first thing you think of/say when you wake up ?

A. 5 more min plz....ok i sleep an extra hour tonight. I should really start sleeping early from now on.

Q. Favorite Fast Food place ?

A. KFC, Subway

Q. Future child's name ?

A. Fuck Thy Name
Q. 'If I had a lot of money, I would...' Complete this sentence -

A. Get the best of everything for everyone i love

Q. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal ?

A. No No No No....Kocher ma'am does just fine!

Q. Storm - Cool or Scary ?

A. Goosebumping cool!(is it a valid expression?)

Q. Favorite Drink ?

A. Double Vodka neat, Thandai

Q. Finish this sentence - 'If I had the time, I would..'

A. Sleep a little more, Catch up with old friends

Q. Do you eat the stems on Broccoli ?

A. NO!!!

Q. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice ?

A. Frost

Q. Favorite Sport to watch ?

A. Football- Tennis- F1

Q. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you ?

A. Never leaves my side.

Q. What's under your bed ?

A. My sportsstars and beer bottles!!!

Q. Would you like to be born as yourself again ?

A. Yes. But a little modified.

Q. Morning person or Night Owl ?

A. Night Owl

Q. Over Easy or Sunny side up ?

A. Over Easy

Q. Favorite place to relax ?

A. Home

Q. Favorite Pie/Mithai ?

A. Mud Pie/Chena murgi, Kalakand, Kaju katli

Q. Favorite Ice Cream flavor ?

A. Milk Chocolate Chip

Q. Of all the people you tagged this to, who is most likely to respond first ?

A. No one, i'll spare them of the pain.